(Icon by Celeste)

I'm getting my senior pictures done this Friday!

The only part that I hate about it is the fact that it has to be formal, so my mom is making me wear the dress that I wore to my NHS induction - not sure if I ever told you about that, though.

I still have trouble believing that I'm going to be a senior. I'm super-happy, yet nervous at the same time. I don't even know what college I want to go to, which makes my parents pretty mad - but it's not my fault. I just change my mind a lot.

I think I'll just go and be an engineer since it's mainly math, or maybe I'll do a double major so I can do forensics or engineering.

(Icon by Celeste)
(I filed this post under "Life" because I didn't think it belonged in the other category it might fit into.)

What the hell is with these dreams lately? Some guy I've never even met keeps appearing in them. And in the dreams, I always end up being with said guy in some way - as friends, acquaintances, etc. That's not what bugs me though. This guy also ends up being my boyfriend in the dreams, but at that point I usually wake up. What the hell is up with that? People I don't know should not end up in my dreams. I wouldn't be questioning this if it was Joe Jonas or Sterling Knight that was appearing in my dreams - since it would make sense considering the fact that they're my celebrity crushes...but instead, it's some guy that most likely doesn't exist! What's up with that?!

Okay, so the creepiest thing happened during in English on Friday.

The strangest thing happened in English on Friday.

My class was sitting in groups for one of our Literature Circle discussions. So, Kyle, Kalyn, Sadie, JM (don't want to butcher her name), and I were just sitting their talking about The Bean Trees and suddenly AJE walks by me and has his hand right by my chest and I think he did something with my hands, but I'm not too sure about that. I didn't even realize it was him until after I looked behind me - and he was already really close to his desk, by then. When he sat back down, Sadie was like: "What was that?!" The only response I could think of was: "I don't know!" After that, there was just an awkward silence.

I still don't understand why that happened. What the heck is it supposed to mean? At first I thought it was an accident, but then he and his friends started laughing which makes me think he just wanted to make me feel weird - which he succeeded in doing.

Quick, give me a list of the hottest guys you know! I need to get this out of my head!

You know that AJE guy I was talking about a long time ago? Well, the crush is still there. It's significantly smaller now, but the feelings are definitely there. But I was right about him not liking me - because if he did he would have asked me to prom last week. He didn't, so I know that he could care less. When I said that I wasn't going, he didn't even care! I'm so glad that it's finally deteriorating, because some of the things he does are really starting to piss me off. I didn't think that any boy could get me that mad, especially after JRR in freshman year - but AJE managed to do it. Why am I attracted to jerks?! Sure, the jerkthrobs on TV shows are understandable, but they usually end up having sweet sides. JRR was just a messed-up kid and I can't even remember why I liked him in the first place. AJE is another story, though. He's just so irritating!

In English today, we had to do this anticipation guide for The Bean Trees since we'll start reading that book on Monday. We had to read 14 statements and use the numbers 1 - 6 to say whether we agree (1) or disagree (6).

One of the statements was, "All wives must try to please their husbands, even if they don't treat them well," or something along those lines. A majority of the girls in my class disagreed strongly, as most of us labeled it with a "6" - he labeled it with a "2" - which only makes me realize how bad we'd be together. I don't wanna like a guy that thinks that the woman has to work harder to keep a relationship than the man does. It's a two-way street; does this mean he thinks it's okay for the girl not to treat a guy well, too? The comments that he made today just seemed sexist to me. I agreed with what he said during the immigration discussion, but what he said about the relationships just really upset me.

California was seriously awesome! Sure, I didn't meet and celebrities - but I didn't really expect to. It would have been awesome if I did, but I can't change it now. I still got to spend time with my family, and that in itself was good enough for me. Of course, I do go to San Diego every year - one would think that it would lose it's sentimental value. It hasn't though. I'd still rather live in California. To be honest, the only thing that's actually keeping me in Arizona is the fact that I'm not eighteen yet - and all my friends live here. I'm not including the online friends because I don't know if I'd really be able to befriend them in real life. It's confusing, really. While I was in California, I only had internet access on my laptop for about two days - the time we were visiting our Aunt Tess - and it really got me thinking. Am I really going to use this blog to rant about everything? When I returned home, I said that I most likely will. As much as I'd like to say everything out loud, the truth is that I'm too shy to speak my mind to people I know personally. This blog lets me speak my mind without the fear of being humiliated in front of people that I really know.

Spring break is coming up soon! I personally can't wait. The last day of school for this quarter is on Friday. I'm so excited, but at the same time I'm not. It's one step closer to the senior year, which I'm surprisingly not really looking forward to - but that might be due to the fact that I don't think I'm anywhere near ready for college. I don't even know what my major will be! I'm thinking it'll end up being engineering - or something else relating to computers and math. I might even try to be a sound engineer - since I might actually get close to getting behind the scenes when it comes to music if I do that.

For those of you that aren't in high school...enjoy it while you still can! I know that TV tries to make high school seem like the best years of your life - but that's only true if you actually know what you'll end up doing once school is over. If you're like me and you have no clue what you'll be doing, then it will be the most miserable four years of your life - especially if you constantly have your parents bugging you about college, and in my mom's case, boys.

Does my mother really expect me to willingly talk to her about boys? I know a lot of girls talk to their mothers about boys, and I'm one of them - but I don't even have a crush on anyone at the moment...which is a total lie. It's not like the fact that I have a crush on that stupid guy even matters, considering the fact that he has a girlfriend. Thank god I never said anything! Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I actually said something to him about that stupid crush? I'd embarrass myself in front of my whole English class...that wouldn't be very pretty.

This is part of the reason I'm looking forward to spring break. It's two weeks away from school and stupid boys - unless my mom goes through with taking us to California and I accidentally run into someone there which would be unlikely.

The new season of Sonny With A Chance premieres on March 14! I seriously can't wait for the new episodes. Sonny and Chad are supposed to be getting together this season! I'm sure all of the SWAC fans that might be reading this are definitely looking forward to that. I know I am! As soon as the new season premieres, I'm definitely writing some Channy fanfiction. If you don't know what Channy is, then watch some Sonny With A Chance and make sure to pay close attention to Sonny Munroe and Chad Dylan Cooper's supposedly nonexistent relationship. You'll be converted to the Channy fandom in no time - especially after watching the episode "Guess Who's Coming To Guest Star" which is seriously the best episode of season 1 for any Channy fan, unless they're pissed that the kiss didn't actually happen between Sonny and Chad. I hate how Marshall dropped the pig right when they were about to kiss! I'm sure all Sonny and Chad fans will agree. Really, Marshall?! You wanted them to kiss, and you were the one that ended up stopping it. Why couldn't you keep the pig on a leash?

Well, Disney is finally giving us what we want in season 2! In one of the later episodes, "Falling For The Falls," Chad finally asks Sonny out - mainly due to a misunderstanding.

It's Valentine's Day...again! I'm not sure whether I'm happy about that or not. I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, and I personally think it's a stupid holiday. I don't see what the point of it is...but then again, I don't have a boyfriend - I didn't even have the courage to ask my parents if I could see Guys & Dolls yesterday afternoon, even though it would have given me an excuse to see AJE (finally found out his middle name) - but that might have been a good thing because if I heard him sing, it would be a lot harder for me to hide my crush on him...thank God he hasn't found this blog. Actually, I hope nobody from my school finds this blog because then rumors would spread - and they'd actually be true! Trust me, the last thing I need is having his friends hold this over my head if they were to ever find this...which means I'm gonna have to examine this site thoroughly to make sure there's nothing that could let my classmates know that I'm their classmate...if that makes any sense at all, which I doubt it does.

Anyway, despite the fact that this is my least favorite day of the year - I decided I would be nice enough to make a little gift for my scarce amount of readers.

Okay, so my family went to this one Chinese restaurant for dinner when church was over. I remember we had fried tilapia, crispy chicken, and French tenderloins - all of which tasted extremely good. Anyway...there we were, minding our own business patiently eating our dinner when I heard someone start drumming. I looked towards the waiting area and saw two dragon costumes (when they were really close to you, it was easy to see that each one was worn by two people or more). There was also some guy dressed like Buddha, which was most likely because that is the religion of most Chinese people (according to my dad, at least). They were doing this weird dance thing, which I'll call the "Lion Dance" since that was what was written on the whiteboard that I didn't read until after we left. It may have been one of the weirdest things that I have ever seen, but I can't say that I wasn't entertained by it...because I was. It definitely took my mind off the fact that I didn't get to see AE in Guys & Dolls. (AE is the guy I was referring to in my last post, who I'm starting to develop a crush on.) Anyway...one of the dragons actually came up behind my dad - which was hilarious. I actually took a picture of it, but I won't post it here since I don't have my dad's permission.

Here are two other photos though:

I'm like totally freaking out right now. There's this guy in my English class. I kind of like him, but at the same time I don't want to like him. It's one of those things where if he asked me out, I wouldn't say no - but I don't want him to ask me out because I'm afraid that my parents or my friends will disapprove; there's also the fact that it is highly unlikely he likes me back anyway.

I'm just not sure what to do about this. I've never even been on a date, so I'm not sure what I'd even do in the event that he actually likes me back. Yeah, there's always MORP - but that's like my school's version of the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not asking him to a dance - that would be way too embarrassing, especially if he says no (which would most likely be the answer). I mean, if he liked me, he should have asked me out by now - and he hasn't, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way I do. You can call me old-fashioned if you want, but in my mind - it's the guy's job to ask the girl out, not the other way around.

If I went to see the school musical, Guys & Dolls, I would have had an excuse to see him - since he's actually in the play. He's playing Rusty! I don't know if I'm going to watch it tomorrow either - there's going to be two showings. Part of me wants to go because I love musicals. Another part of me doesn't want to go because I'm afraid my small crush on him will become a huge crush since I LOVE boys that sing.